just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Text me some of your sweat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
