Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
