Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
