Ambien. No doubt about it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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