I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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