did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
