Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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