So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
