John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
