New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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