She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
