I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
