so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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