I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
