wanna go halves on a baby?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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