Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
