The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
