I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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