I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
