I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
