Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I touched a dick in church today
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
