so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
