He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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