a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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