Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
