I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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