Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
