Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want a musical about memes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
