I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
