dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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