i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
