Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
