Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
