K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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