I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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