Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
