my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
