I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
