he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
