why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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