I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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