My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
