all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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