the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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