we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
