Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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