I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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