just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
babies were throwing up all over the place
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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