went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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