I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
