Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
