You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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