even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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