Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
