do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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