YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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