And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
