I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
