Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
