i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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