ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
