Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
