Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we're making bets on your personal life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
